Sunday, May 20, 2012

Mercy…

Because I went to high school with, and am Facebook friends with, one of the members of the group “MERCY RIVER”, I was drawn to their music.  The first time I listened to their first CD, I was hooked.  I bought their second CD soon after it was released.  I’m pretty sure they rank right up there with David A. as far as how much I love to listen to them.  (I would wear a T-shirt with their name on it…they’re that good…)

Needless to say, when their third CD came out, I was anxious to get out and buy it—I just needed a Deseret Book nearby.  (Good thing we just recently moved back to where Deseret Book is just a hop, skip, and a jump away!!)

On Wednesday, I drove down to Salt Lake in order to make it to Bogey’s heart cath appointment the following morning at 7.   As I was driving along, I started thinking about my current situation: 
5 children, including 2 new twin boys
A sick, sick baby boy
Relocation for the children and me
Ace working far away
Trips to Dr. Appointments,
Hospital stays
etc.
So, I was throwing myself a little pity party, and wondering why in the world Heavenly Father would deal me such a rough hand.  Before the babies were born, our family was desperately praying that neither baby would have a cleft palate.  We asked that they be healthy and strong, and that every part of their bodies would develop normally.  I wondered why those prayers weren’t answered—after all, we had prayed so fervently. 
In the meantime, Mercy River was singing to me via Honda sound system.  In my moment to think of more things I could complain about (and to get a fat drink of DC), this song hit me: 

(I wish I knew how to get this track embedded onto this post, but I don’t.  So everyone go out and buy the CD so you can listen to the trio sing it. You won’t be sorry—A little plug for Mercy River—that’s worth a free t-shirt right?? :)  Hopefully I got the words right)


We pray for blessings, we pray for peace,
comfort for family, protection while we sleep.
We pray for healing, for prosperity,
we pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering.
And all the while, you hear each spoken need,
Your love is way too much to give us lesser things.

‘Cause what if  your blessings come through raindrops?  What if your healing comes through tears?
And what if one thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near?
And what if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise? 

We pray for wisdom, your voice to hear,
We cry in anger when we cannot feel you near
We doubt your goodness we doubt your love.
As if every promise from your word is not enough.
And all the while, you hear each desperate plea
and long that we’d have faith to believe.

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears?
And what if one thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know your near?
And what if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win--
We know the pain reminds this heart
that this is not our home, is not our home--

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears?
And what if one thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know you’re near?
And what if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?

What if my greatest disappointment or the aching of this life
is the revealing of the greater thirst this world can’t satisfy?
What if the trials of this life—the rain, the storms, the hardest nights--
are your mercies in disguise?
(words and music by Laura Story)

I immediately put the song on repeat and listened to it the rest of the way to my destination. All the while, thinking that if Bogey didn’t have the cleft lip and cleft palate, no tests on his heart would have been run. His heart defect would have gone undiscovered, and his life here would have been short.

If he didn’t have the heart defect, I might have overlooked:

How much love I have for my little ones—all 5, even during their worst temper tantrums

The love my husband has for me and our little ones—he would do ANYTHING for us

What great friends I have.  I can’t even express how much I appreciate them (shout out to Zuckerberg for inventing Facebook!!)

The special bond I have with my brothers and sisters and their spouses and children, and my parents.  They have rallied around me and have lifted me up, and have given me strength when I thought I couldn’t handle the situation any longer.  I have little nieces and nephews who have fasted for Bogey without being prodded or asked. 

My great in-laws.  Ace’s parents and brothers and sisters, their spouses and children have been so supportive.  Despite the distance in miles that we are apart, I have felt a great closeness to them.

My relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  As I have come to better understand the enabling power of the Atonement and our Father’s love for His children, I have come to recognize that there is a plan in place for our family.  I know Heavenly Father is aware of our situation, and I know He is aware of Bogey and He is listening to our prayers…every word…and He is blessing us.  I have felt His love, I can look back over these past 6 weeks and I can see His tender mercies. 

Bogey doesn’t have these problems due to something I ate or did during pregnancy.  He isn’t sick because we lacked faith, or our prayers weren’t good enough.  He’s sick because Heavenly Father wanted our family to experience His “mercies in disguise”. 

We all have trials.  If there is one thing that I have learned for certain, though, it doesn’t do us any good to feel picked on, or complain when things don’t go our way.  The best remedy for hardships is to give thanks for the blessings we already have, and for the blessings we receive along our rocky road.  There are good things and lessons to be learned.

**DISCLAIMER**  I have yet to perfect this theory.  I know it’s true, but often times, I forget. (i.e. I couldn’t go through with the cath because I was afraid of the risks…but, not to worry, I’ve rescheduled it for next week.  I’m gonna be strong!!)  Hence I’m writing about it here so that  when things get harder (and they will…) I can look back and remind myself of what is important!

6 comments:

Carolyn Anderson said...

You amaze me with you strength! Your family is in my daily prayers. Keep your chin up!

Northern Nickle Clan said...

Beautiful post! Best wishes to Bogey and to your whole family as you go through what's necessary for him to be healthy. Feeling for ya! And Mercy River is totally awesome! I love em! What's the name of that song? I might look it up on grooveshark or youtube!:) Take care, friend!

Luv,
J & K Nickle

Samantha said...

So many prayers coming your way from me and my family! I cannot even imagine how hard this must be but I continue to be in awe of your sweet testimony and faith. You are amazing and I'm thankful to know you. All my love.

Becky said...

So glad you're blogging all this. Not only because people want to know how things are going - but you are right! You will go back and read these things and see how amazing your blessings are and much you've grown. You're awesome. Keeping you guys in our prayers.

Becky said...

P.S. The drivers might be jerks - but you have friends in Utah! :) Call if you need anything 801-842-8576

Little Family Fun said...

And another blessing I would add to your list is that through your experiences, your testimony has strengthened my own--and your strength has inspired me and many others I am sure.

I remember when I went through something really difficult before my mission, I turned to the Lord like I never have before and found remarkable peace through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I read Mosiah 24 where the Lord blesses Alma & his people in bondage and explains WHY:

". . . and this will I do that ye may STAND AS A WITNESS FOR ME hereafter, and that ye may KNOW OF A SURETY that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions." (Mosiah 24:14)

I took that amazing experience I had with the Atonement and as a missionary was able to bear powerful testimony of the love of our Savior, His mercy, His love, His power in strengthening us and enabling us to get through the things we cannot do alone--because I had experienced it profoundly.

I hated that I had to go through that trial, but am grateful for how it brought me to my Savior.

And I am grateful for YOU sharing your testimony. You are amazing, Rachelle. And your testimony is truly blessing my life. :)