Sunday, October 14, 2012

Other Lessons Learned

I know that my words aren’t going to do justice for what I am feeling in my heart today, but I feel like I at least owe myself an attempt—for record keeping sake—to write about an experience I had. 

There is something incredibly humbling about staying here at the RMD.  I am reminded at every moment, that there is suffering beyond what I have felt.  There are mothers that are still waiting for their sick child to have a “good day”.  Families have moved here, as they wait for a sibling to get a new heart.  Grandparents are here visiting, bringing other grandchildren to visit parents and siblings that have been here for months, with no hope of returning home any time soon.  I can’t help but feel a twinge of anxiety each time I walk through the entrance of this place, remembering the burdens and fears I carried in each night while we were here 4 months ago. 

This morning, as I sat down to drink my Diet Coke (Breakfast of Champions….) I opened the book that I have been reading (some chapters, over and over).  It is by Jeffrey R. Holland.  In the midst of the chaos of people gathering in the common eating area, I read,
EVEN IF YOU CANNOT ALWAYS SEE THAT SILVER LINING ON YOUR CLOUDS, GOD CAN, FOR HE IS THE VERY SOURCE OF THE LIGHT YOU SEEK.  HE DOES LOVE YOU, AND HE KNOWS YOUR FEARS.  HE HEARS YOUR PRAYERS.  HE IS YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER, AND SURELY HE MATCHES WITH HIS OWN THE TEARS HIS CHILDREN SHED.
I looked around the room at the downtrodden crowd, my memory took me back to another morning in that same place, at about the same time of day where I could have benefited from these words—when I wondered if the darkness would ever be overcome.  Sometimes, when I try to look ahead to the future, at the many more trips to Lucile Packard Hospital, and the many doctor appointments, and check ups we still have—I start to wonder about that silver lining—but I have to trust in this reminder. 

Also, in my reading, I came across this scripture, that serves as a direct answer to my prayers recently: 

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Isaiah 40:29-31
These words of wisdom touched me so deeply.  I wish I could shout them out to anyone who is struggling, to anyone still “sitting in the dark, looking for the light”!  I want them to know, that there really is Someone with them, Someone who can help them, and comfort them with undeniable  peace. 

2 comments:

Joni said...

That quote gave me the chills. Thanks for the beautiful message. What was the name of that book?

Keck Family said...

What a powerful quote! You are so strong and I hope all is well with your little guy! I remember staying in St. Judes with Kerie for a month and seeing all those struggling parents wondering the halls and this past weekend as all of us in the neurotrama unit gathered around the free food cart in the morning, it was hard to see all that pain and I know this quote would help give them all strength! stay strong-your family is in our prayers!