Our journey to California was a whirlwind. One moment Bogey was scheduled for a heart catheterization at Primary Children’s Medical Center in Utah, and the very next moment, his unifocalization surgery was scheduled, as well as all of the pre-op procedures (including the heart cath). Before I knew it, I was sitting on a plane with Bogey and Ace en route to Palo Alto.
It’s a funny thing really. I find myself “freaking out” (as Mulligan would put it) when I think about what is to come over this next month. I have allowed myself to become so laden with anxiety and fear.
Here’s the funny part.
I trusted the pilot to fly the plane to get us safely to CA. I trusted the big, bald, bushy eye browed, man (granted I did have a strategy to escape if he decided to take us off course…) to shuttle us from the airport to our “home away from home”. I have trusted numerous specialists, radiologists, nurses, etc. to do their jobs and perform the necessary procedures on Bogey. A few hours ago, I handed him off to an anesthesiologist so that he could have a heart catheterization. In a matter of days, I am going to trust Dr. Hanley (who I haven’t even met yet) to open up my little baby boy to work on his heart.
And yet, I’m still “freaking out”.
Why is it so easy to forget to trust Heavenly Father…who has already proved to me how much He loves me, and how aware He is of Bogey and all that he is going through. Our Heavenly Father is the One I should be relying on the most, having faith in His plan, and trusting in that plan. I am having the hardest time keeping my “eye single” to that principle, and keeping my heart softened for an understanding and assurance that God is good and He is near.
I know that I am not carrying this burden alone. I have felt the load lighten as I have turned to the scriptures and words from general conference. I have spent a lot of time in prayer, and I KNOW what I have to do. I know the only way I am going to get through this is trusting 100% in Heavenly Father and His plan for us.