Saturday, July 18, 2009

Express Lane?

I would like to suggest an express lane at the Maverick store. A check out line for anyone who has a method of payment other than a check and a life story.

Last night, I had a hankering for some frozen yogurt. Lucky for me, there is a special going on at Maverick: Any Size Frozen Yogurt is $1.49. Whit Woo! That's a real bargain! I got my two cups (one for me and one for Ace and me to share) and piled them with the delectable cheesecake, strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla flavors (you gotta get all four when there's a sale!!), and when I say piled, I mean that mountain of goodness was tall! I couldn't cram another teaspoon full of anything if I tried. Well, I proceeded to the line, (about 3 people back) and the woman at the front of the line put her 2 items (a bottle of pop, and some candy bars) up on the counter and then pulled out her checkbook. Yep, I said CHECKBOOK!!! In the meantime, my frozen yogurts were slowly but surely loosing their "frozen-ness".

The checkbook lady started pouring out her life story to the cashier (who calls everybody 'Sweetie', so right there with that one word, she's inviting lonely souls to pour out their hearts and souls) and my perfected piles of deliciousness were drooping and dripping.

At that point, I wasn't sure if it would be kosher for me to start licking the drips as they fell onto my hands, but I couldn't just leave them there, and it wasn't like I had an extra hand to grab a napkin, so you can imagine I was in quite a predicament. Meanwhile, the checkbook lady is still filling out the "Pay to the order of" line (apparently talking and writing at the same time is a thing of the past).

I had to go for it. I had to stretch my tongue and nab the drop of pink strawberry yogurt that tumbled off the mound. In the process, my nose collided into the lower portion of the frozen yogurt. So, can you picture it? I'm holding two big fat overflowing and I mean OVERFLOWING cups, of melting ice cream and it's all over me, mainly my nose. So, how do I clean that up? Wipe it on my shirt? Well, that's what I did. By the time the checkbook lady finished her check and her life story, my hands and nose were sticky, and I had a smeared, pink smudge on my shoulder.

When it was my turn to pay, I pulled out my DEBIT CARD (welcome to the 21st century checkbook lady! No offense check users who might be reading this. Love you mom and dad! ;) ) and actually had to tug at it a bit to get it out of my hand to give to the cashier.

The worst part about this whole trip, is that I felt like I got ripped off. By the time it was my turn to pay, my gargantuan pile, had been reduced to mediocre. I could have piled on a couple of teaspoons at that point. There was at least that much on my shirt (from my nose).

Really, would there be anything wrong with having two lines? After all, it is a CONVENIENCE store. One line could be for the check writers that have a few things on their mind, and that could be run by the "Sweetie" Lady. The other line could just be regular, for those of us who just want to get in and out, no saga or drama to share. In fact, as long as we're creating different lines, how 'bout one for the frozen yogurt sale suckers? The fastest cashier could man that register, and that would certainly save me some laundry and a nose full of frozen yogurt!


Candice Harris said...

Hilarious! I am a frozie yogie (what we call at this house) addict also! Maverick all the way! And I ALWAYS pile it on, I'm surprised they don't catch on and start weighing every order!

Northern Nickle Clan said...

Love your posts! They are hilarious!!!!!! Better luck next time with your frozen yogurt!:)

Lindsey said...

I am so glad that I now have your blog address. Your family is darling!

P.S. I agree with the express lane, too. And while they are at it, could they add a drive through?

Melissa said...

Oh Rachelle, I see you have not lost any of your humor since high school! You always cracked me up and still do:) Thanks for making me laugh my pants off for a few minutes tonight!

Larsen said...

This is hilarious!

I am a checkie too. No offense taken at all, because I go with it half written and refuse a receipt and am quick as can be, because I am a phone call away from social services...leaving the crying kids in the car....